As I am three weeks from packing up and leaving London for the States, I've been giving considerable thought to just how this year-off thing is going to work. In addition to childcare duties, being with my wife 24x7, and now sharing a heavier load of the daily life tasks, I've been thinking about just how I will slow down to take time for meditative thought, and get myself inspired. Not being busy is something I don't have a lot of experience with the last 15 or so years.
Then, today I had a moment. Ella has a nasty cold and has not been sleeping well. If you're a parent, you know that a one-year old with a cold means fussy baby. She needed sleep so badly. And she was fighting it so hard. The only way I could get her down was to hold her, and hold her, and hold her.
It was one of those situations that I assume most parents have been in at one time or another. She finally fell asleep over my shoulder. I very slowly and gently maneuvered into a seated position on the couch. Then I slouched down a bit to get her in a 45 degree angle. She wrestled herself into a fetal position on my chest with her head tucked under my chin. Not exactly the most comfortable position for me, but she was sleeping and I was happy. It is in that position that I sat for almost two hours. Barely moving myself. Fighting back my own cough as to not wake her. And just hoping Kristin would not call my cell phone buried deep in my pocket.
It wasn't long into this sleep exercise that I realized what I have been missing. There was complete silence in the house except for the sound of Ella's breathing into my neck. There was no movement by either of us except for the pitter-patter of her heart I could feel on my stomach. And for that nearly two-hour period, I had not a care in the world, except to see, hear and feel my baby girl sleep.
Now don't get me wrong; I spend a lot of time with my wife and kids, especially this summer while over here in London. But at this moment, there was no multi-tasking taking place whatsoever. No work thoughts. No money thoughts. No people thoughts. Just complete, dedicated focus on Ella's sleep.
I think I had a glimse of what this next year is suppose to be about. Thank God for my redundancy.
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
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